2 Timothy 1:7 -- "For God has not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."
I have been held captive by fears about myself for a long time...and I'm trying to let God pull me out. It's going to be hard to live by God's standards and not listen to what other people say or think, but I'm going to try. I need to learn that it's okay to have confidence and not worry about it getting shattered by others' judgments...that's the biggest thing for me right now: to accept me for who I am the way God defines me, not the way the world defines me. Flaky, always late, procrastinating, not smart enough, not pretty enough, not enough...
I need to be okay with not being okay in the world's eyes. I need to be not striving to be anything more than I am. Saved by grace...not works, or looks, or skills.
He wants to speak life...he wants to speak life to her...to her. He wants to speak truth...he wants to speak truth to her...to her...to her worth...
Monday, March 23, 2009
Monday, March 16, 2009
He knew.
Nathan Edwardson prayed for me yesterday at the Stirring morning service and he just knew.
Every thought I'd been thinking, every move I'd been pondering, every thought of the future I'd been wondering and worrying, every hurt I'd been feeling...he prayed it all.
....now, I don't want to assume anything, but I think that God has been placing those thoughts and lifting those hurts and fears and spilling them out of the front of my face and then he used Nate to speak truth into my life while those were lifted and raw. Nate made a beeline for me; he HAD to know something.
Anyway, I just wanted to lift up Nate and Godsip for a sec even though I don't know him, but I've heard and seen enough that let's me know that God is in him and working in him and through him for others. And I'm very thankful for that.
Every thought I'd been thinking, every move I'd been pondering, every thought of the future I'd been wondering and worrying, every hurt I'd been feeling...he prayed it all.
....now, I don't want to assume anything, but I think that God has been placing those thoughts and lifting those hurts and fears and spilling them out of the front of my face and then he used Nate to speak truth into my life while those were lifted and raw. Nate made a beeline for me; he HAD to know something.
Anyway, I just wanted to lift up Nate and Godsip for a sec even though I don't know him, but I've heard and seen enough that let's me know that God is in him and working in him and through him for others. And I'm very thankful for that.
Monday, March 9, 2009
Sunday, March 8, 2009
God is Moving...
God is moving in my life.
Big time.
I went to the morning service of the Stirring with Katie and Nolan today for the first time. Normally I go to one of the night services, but today I have Nite Life practice at 7 so both clash. The service was really good. The church building is one of my favorite sanctuaries I've ever been in. It was open and fresh feeling with high-arching ceilings and pews (that were surprisingly really comfortable) and it just had a very homey feel to it. Travis Osbourne preached on Jonah (obviously) but he talked about Jonah's anger at God because God stays in character. He correlated it to other scriptures in the Bible and it was really great. I LOVE hearing Travis Osbourne preach; he has such a gift and a love for God that so contagious when he speaks!
Love it.
So anyway, then TONIGHT I decide to go to the 5 and support Jenna and just go to the worship half, so I'm sitting kind of by myself next to an aisle and Jenna's empty chair (eagerly awaiting her return! :P) and then worship starts. I think God speaks to me most through lyrics and songs and today he was shaking me awake and giving me such comfort and encouraging me to press on! It seemed like the songs were written for me...
"oh Lord, my rock, my strength in weakness, come and rescue me, o Lord.
you are my HOPE, your promise never fails me, and my desire is to follow you forever.
for you are good, for you are good, for you are good to me..." etc
And we sang "Majesty" again, and this one song that I wish i could remember the words to so I could write them here. That one was like a punch in the gut. So good.
God is stirring something in me. He's stirring and tears are flowing and pain is lifting and it's an amazing thing....
Anyway....I love Jesus, this I know.
Big time.
I went to the morning service of the Stirring with Katie and Nolan today for the first time. Normally I go to one of the night services, but today I have Nite Life practice at 7 so both clash. The service was really good. The church building is one of my favorite sanctuaries I've ever been in. It was open and fresh feeling with high-arching ceilings and pews (that were surprisingly really comfortable) and it just had a very homey feel to it. Travis Osbourne preached on Jonah (obviously) but he talked about Jonah's anger at God because God stays in character. He correlated it to other scriptures in the Bible and it was really great. I LOVE hearing Travis Osbourne preach; he has such a gift and a love for God that so contagious when he speaks!
Love it.
So anyway, then TONIGHT I decide to go to the 5 and support Jenna and just go to the worship half, so I'm sitting kind of by myself next to an aisle and Jenna's empty chair (eagerly awaiting her return! :P) and then worship starts. I think God speaks to me most through lyrics and songs and today he was shaking me awake and giving me such comfort and encouraging me to press on! It seemed like the songs were written for me...
"oh Lord, my rock, my strength in weakness, come and rescue me, o Lord.
you are my HOPE, your promise never fails me, and my desire is to follow you forever.
for you are good, for you are good, for you are good to me..." etc
And we sang "Majesty" again, and this one song that I wish i could remember the words to so I could write them here. That one was like a punch in the gut. So good.
God is stirring something in me. He's stirring and tears are flowing and pain is lifting and it's an amazing thing....
Anyway....I love Jesus, this I know.
Saturday, March 7, 2009
Seek Me First
I Stand Amazed
I bring You my heart, I bring you my praise
I bring You my broken dreams I've lost along the way
I lift up my voice, I lift up my hands
I lift up the moments in my life that I don't understand
And I lay it at the cross where I'm surrounded by Your grace
And I marvel at the wonder of Your love
I stand amazed, I stand in awe
I stand forgiven in the midst of it all
Before You I bow, before You I fall
Blessed Redeemer, Sweet Savior of all
I stand amazed
I offer You thanks, I offer my life
I offer a sacrifice of praise when I'm scattered by the night
For You are my shelter, You are my King
You are the risen Son of God, the Lord of everything
Now I'm standing at the cross where I'm surrounded by Your grace
And I marvel at the wonder of Your love
I stand amazed, I stand in awe
I stand forgiven in the midst of it all
Before You I bow, before You I fall
Blessed Redeemer, Sweet Savior of all
There is life in His body, there is grace in His blood
There is Peace for the sinner, given by God's love
I stand amazed, I stand in awe
I stand forgiven in the midst of it all
Before You I bow, before You I fall
Blessed Redeemer, Sweet Savior of all
I stand amazed, I stand in awe
I stand forgiven in the midst of it all
Before You I bow, before You I fall
Blessed Redeemer, Sweet Savior of all
I stand amazed
I've never actually understood how hard it is to be a Christian. I mean, sure, Aubrey got picked on in middle and high school because she was a "goody-two-shoes" and people tried to pay her to say the "F" word. But I've never really, really and truly understood sacrifice. God has been laying things on my heart and bringing people to me to speak truth and life into my life. I have never been so blind-sided....I can see him so clearly. He's asking me to surrender things to him that I never would've expected him to want me to give up. I need to pray and bask in his presence before anything, but just pray for me for wisdom...pray for me to stand firm in what I know is right...pray for me to not run from God's presence...pray for peace...
Relevant C. S. Lewis quotes:
Courage is not simply one of the virtues, but the form of every virtue at the testing point.
Experience: that most brutal of teachers. But you learn, my God do you learn.
If you look for truth, you may find comfort in the end; if you look for comfort you will not get either comfort or truth only soft soap and wishful thinking to begin, and in the end, despair.
It may be hard for an egg to turn into a bird: it would be a jolly sight harder for it to learn to fly while remaining an egg. We are like eggs at present. And you cannot go on indefinitely being just an ordinary, decent egg. We must be hatched or go bad.
No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear.
Nothing that you have not given away will ever be really yours.
Part of every misery is, so to speak, the misery's shadow or reflection: the fact that you don't merely suffer but have to keep on thinking about the fact that you suffer. I not only live each endless day in grief, but live each day thinking about living each day in grief.
There are two kinds of people: those who say to God, "Thy will be done," and those to whom God says, "All right, then, have it your way."
We all want progress, but if you're on the wrong road, progress means doing an about-turn and walking back to the right road; in that case, the man who turns back soonest is the most progressive.
We are what we believe we are.
What saves a man is to take a step. Then another step.
Sorry that was so long; they just all shouted truth at me.
Anyway, have a good daylight saving's night!
:)
I bring You my heart, I bring you my praise
I bring You my broken dreams I've lost along the way
I lift up my voice, I lift up my hands
I lift up the moments in my life that I don't understand
And I lay it at the cross where I'm surrounded by Your grace
And I marvel at the wonder of Your love
I stand amazed, I stand in awe
I stand forgiven in the midst of it all
Before You I bow, before You I fall
Blessed Redeemer, Sweet Savior of all
I stand amazed
I offer You thanks, I offer my life
I offer a sacrifice of praise when I'm scattered by the night
For You are my shelter, You are my King
You are the risen Son of God, the Lord of everything
Now I'm standing at the cross where I'm surrounded by Your grace
And I marvel at the wonder of Your love
I stand amazed, I stand in awe
I stand forgiven in the midst of it all
Before You I bow, before You I fall
Blessed Redeemer, Sweet Savior of all
There is life in His body, there is grace in His blood
There is Peace for the sinner, given by God's love
I stand amazed, I stand in awe
I stand forgiven in the midst of it all
Before You I bow, before You I fall
Blessed Redeemer, Sweet Savior of all
I stand amazed, I stand in awe
I stand forgiven in the midst of it all
Before You I bow, before You I fall
Blessed Redeemer, Sweet Savior of all
I stand amazed
I've never actually understood how hard it is to be a Christian. I mean, sure, Aubrey got picked on in middle and high school because she was a "goody-two-shoes" and people tried to pay her to say the "F" word. But I've never really, really and truly understood sacrifice. God has been laying things on my heart and bringing people to me to speak truth and life into my life. I have never been so blind-sided....I can see him so clearly. He's asking me to surrender things to him that I never would've expected him to want me to give up. I need to pray and bask in his presence before anything, but just pray for me for wisdom...pray for me to stand firm in what I know is right...pray for me to not run from God's presence...pray for peace...
Relevant C. S. Lewis quotes:
Courage is not simply one of the virtues, but the form of every virtue at the testing point.
Experience: that most brutal of teachers. But you learn, my God do you learn.
If you look for truth, you may find comfort in the end; if you look for comfort you will not get either comfort or truth only soft soap and wishful thinking to begin, and in the end, despair.
It may be hard for an egg to turn into a bird: it would be a jolly sight harder for it to learn to fly while remaining an egg. We are like eggs at present. And you cannot go on indefinitely being just an ordinary, decent egg. We must be hatched or go bad.
No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear.
Nothing that you have not given away will ever be really yours.
Part of every misery is, so to speak, the misery's shadow or reflection: the fact that you don't merely suffer but have to keep on thinking about the fact that you suffer. I not only live each endless day in grief, but live each day thinking about living each day in grief.
There are two kinds of people: those who say to God, "Thy will be done," and those to whom God says, "All right, then, have it your way."
We all want progress, but if you're on the wrong road, progress means doing an about-turn and walking back to the right road; in that case, the man who turns back soonest is the most progressive.
We are what we believe we are.
What saves a man is to take a step. Then another step.
Sorry that was so long; they just all shouted truth at me.
Anyway, have a good daylight saving's night!
:)
Monday, March 2, 2009
GUESS WHAT!?
I learned...ish to play the guitar!!!! Danae and I are basically rockstars. We'll be going on tour next fall; tickets are on sale in the Owens Center!
K, but seriously now. We learned this:
TRINITY by Jennifer Knapp
You in the mirror starin' back at me
Oh, conscience let me be
To the pure, all things are pure
To those who're defiled, unbelieving, nothing is pure
Their minds, their conscience defiled
They profess to know God
But deceive Him by deeds all the while
Where do I stand?
On the rock or in the sand?
Oh, Holy Spirit won't You help me understand?
Holy Spirit, won't You say a prayer for me?
With your groanings
My mind, my conscience defiled
Send the blood of the lamb don't leave me in exile
What was that promise on the cross at Calvary?
Confess the Lord and the truth shall set you free (yeah)
Create in me a clean heart, O God
Renew a steadfast spirit within me
To my prayers you've always given heed
Blessed be thy God
Who never turned away from me
Hid his face from all my sin, forgot
Forgot my iniquity
(Go on and)
Raise your hands sing praises to the Lord
He is the King and He'll reign forevermore
He died on the cross at Calvary
He died to save a wretch like me
It's beautiful. You should hear Jenna and Danae sing it...UHmazing.
Okay well I reeeeally should be doing homework...like a lot. ...:)
K, but seriously now. We learned this:
TRINITY by Jennifer Knapp
You in the mirror starin' back at me
Oh, conscience let me be
To the pure, all things are pure
To those who're defiled, unbelieving, nothing is pure
Their minds, their conscience defiled
They profess to know God
But deceive Him by deeds all the while
Where do I stand?
On the rock or in the sand?
Oh, Holy Spirit won't You help me understand?
Holy Spirit, won't You say a prayer for me?
With your groanings
My mind, my conscience defiled
Send the blood of the lamb don't leave me in exile
What was that promise on the cross at Calvary?
Confess the Lord and the truth shall set you free (yeah)
Create in me a clean heart, O God
Renew a steadfast spirit within me
To my prayers you've always given heed
Blessed be thy God
Who never turned away from me
Hid his face from all my sin, forgot
Forgot my iniquity
(Go on and)
Raise your hands sing praises to the Lord
He is the King and He'll reign forevermore
He died on the cross at Calvary
He died to save a wretch like me
It's beautiful. You should hear Jenna and Danae sing it...UHmazing.
Okay well I reeeeally should be doing homework...like a lot. ...:)
Humbled by Your Majesty...
[[okay let me be the really random person I am and say that it's Dr. Seuss' birthday!! WOOT! Go, Dog, Go!!!...okay sorry back to reality :D]]
The stirring really touched me tonight...I decided that after rebelling against it for so long, that I am actually IN love with the Stirring. The words that are spoken there are such truth!! ...it's just great.
So, one of the songs we sang tonight was one I used to sing at the church I grew up in. I never fully understood the meaning until tonight...[it's sooo weird (and yet so refreshing) to hear songs in a different light after maturing in your faith...the lyrics are basically a slap in the face while yelling WAKE UP! I just love it.] I'm just going to type it here: :)
MAJESTY.
Here I am humbled by your Majesty
Covered by your grace so free
Here I am, knowing I'm a sinful man
Covered by the blood of the Lamb
Now I've found the greatest love of all is mine
Since you laid down your life
The greatest sacrifice
Majesty, Majesty
Your grace has found me just as I am
Empty handed, but alive in your hands
Majesty, Majesty
Forever I am changed by your love
In the presence of your Majesty
Here I am humbled by the love that you give
Forgiven so that I can forgive
Here I stand, knowing that I'm your desire
Sanctified by glory and fire
Now I've found the greatest love of all is mine
Since you laid down your life
The greatest sacrifice
Majesty, Majesty
Your grace has found me just as I am
Empty handed, but alive in your hands
Majesty, Majesty
Forever I am changed by your love
In the presence of your Majesty
OHHHHHHHHHHH so good. Lyrics can just tear me apart!!! I love the humility it puts on me....how small I am...how loved I am. I didn't know this song had that much power...
I just wanted to share that with you and I hope you are also encouraged by the lyrics...:)
The stirring really touched me tonight...I decided that after rebelling against it for so long, that I am actually IN love with the Stirring. The words that are spoken there are such truth!! ...it's just great.
So, one of the songs we sang tonight was one I used to sing at the church I grew up in. I never fully understood the meaning until tonight...[it's sooo weird (and yet so refreshing) to hear songs in a different light after maturing in your faith...the lyrics are basically a slap in the face while yelling WAKE UP! I just love it.] I'm just going to type it here: :)
MAJESTY.
Here I am humbled by your Majesty
Covered by your grace so free
Here I am, knowing I'm a sinful man
Covered by the blood of the Lamb
Now I've found the greatest love of all is mine
Since you laid down your life
The greatest sacrifice
Majesty, Majesty
Your grace has found me just as I am
Empty handed, but alive in your hands
Majesty, Majesty
Forever I am changed by your love
In the presence of your Majesty
Here I am humbled by the love that you give
Forgiven so that I can forgive
Here I stand, knowing that I'm your desire
Sanctified by glory and fire
Now I've found the greatest love of all is mine
Since you laid down your life
The greatest sacrifice
Majesty, Majesty
Your grace has found me just as I am
Empty handed, but alive in your hands
Majesty, Majesty
Forever I am changed by your love
In the presence of your Majesty
OHHHHHHHHHHH so good. Lyrics can just tear me apart!!! I love the humility it puts on me....how small I am...how loved I am. I didn't know this song had that much power...
I just wanted to share that with you and I hope you are also encouraged by the lyrics...:)
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