Boys like girls...or do they?

I don't know what to think anymore.

The world is full of so many thick, heavy, ominous lies that I can barely see my true reflection through it all. I shouldn't be seeing a self-conscious, scared little girl that doesn't know if a man will ever want to unconditionally love her for as long as we both shall live; I should be seeing me...the true me with the light and the passion of Jesus shining through me...but it's tough for a woman to live in this present day, in the here and the now...

Sure, sure, we (as women) have considerably moved forward in the past 100 years; we can vote and bring home our own bacon and we don't have to get married if we don't want to, but there is so much deceit in this world...or at least in our post-modern America.

I'm tired of the tabloids that say "if you're not a size one, you're a cow" and "look at how terrible this person looks without their make-up" and "point and laugh at her because she HAS values"...we now have to be blonde and drop-dead gorgeous and rich and "well-endowed" and rail-thin to get a second glance...or at least that's what the world tells us. Which I'm sick of. They're lies!!

I heard in a sermon last Sunday that was based on Colossians 3:18-19, which states "Wives, submit to your husbands, as it is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, and do not be bitter against them." Bill Giovanetti was talking to the men about loving their wives unconditionally and telling them to reach out and love their wives even when they don't love them at that moment. For some reason, this really scared me. I felt like no man could ever love me for who I am. It's really hard for me to realize that God, ultimate perfection, could love me, and it's even harder for me to comprehend an imperfect man loving me for me. I mean, I realize that we are all human, and we can't POSSIBLY love unconditionally without having our own lives saturated with the love of Jesus Christ, but we all fail!

And then I went and saw the movie "He's Just Not That Into You" tonight. Bad choice. Some parts were funny and harmless and I caught myself saying "oh, that's so true!" but it just unsettled my heart. I saw brokenness and hurting and people searching for something that they are never going to find in another human. It's painful to see that kind of yearning day after day. Unfortunately, I found myself in the same confusion: "Why would a man choose me above her? She can do this and this and that..."etc. ...it's just hard.

A married man in the movie had an affair. It was heartbreaking to see the wife go through that kind of intense pain! And it horrified me to think that that could one day happen to me or to you or even someone you know. It happens and it's sad.

WHY. Do guys even like women? Do they see them as a possession? an accessory? a trophy? How about a companion? a lover? a friend? someone who can help them grow spiritually everyday in Jesus...that is how it was intended. We weren't supposed to live our lives comparing ourselves to other women who are more beautiful or more musically gifted or more athletic than we are. God made us who we are, and I need to learn to be fine with that.

OH and another thing! Girls are mean!! We toy with emotions, flirt with married men, batt our eyelashes, feign innocence, stab each other in the back for personal gain, make our brothers stumble...I'm sick of the reputation. I am more frustrated with women than I am with men. We need to be careful... I want to be a Proverbs 31 woman one day if it is in the Lord's plan to make me a wife. I want to love with my whole heart and not live in fear of rejection or belittlement or failure.

Until then...I will strive to trust. To love and to have faith that wherever the Lord carries me, I will be okay.

Sorry I'm so scatterbrained. Gimme a break; it's my first blog. :)