True Love

Okay. I wonder all the time: does true love REALLY exist?? Is it just a thing made up for fairy tales--to break magical spells and make princes and princesses live happily ever after? Is it limited to a man and a woman promising to spend the rest of their lives together until they get bored? Is it pretending to be someone you're not to impress someone else? Is it a woman who after seeing and talking to a man for ten minutes thinking "he is the one"? Is it in the words "I love you"? Is it all the things that this world offers us: vanity, selfishness, jealousy...??

No. It's none of those things. What about a mother seeing her newborn son for the first time? What about a father picking his crying daughter up and kissing the tears and the pain away? What about sisters laughing all the way into the night about silly things? What about an older brother coming to the defense of his younger brother against the bullies at school? What about an elderly man whose eyes still sparkle when his wife of 50 years walks into the room?

Yet, there is still something more...

"Come close, listen to the story
About a love more faithful than the morning
The Father gave His only Son just to save us

The earth was shaking in the dark
All creation felt the Father's Broken Heart
Tears were filling Heaven's Eyes
The day that True Love died, the day that True Love died
When blood and water hit the ground
Walls we couldn't move came crashing down
We were free and made alive
The day that True Love died, The day that True Love died

Search your heart, you know you can't deny it
Come on, lose your life just so you can find it
The Father gave His only Son just to save us

The Earth was shaking in the dark
All creation felt The Father's broken heart
Tears were filling Heaven's Eyes
The day that True Love died, the day that True Love died
When blood and water hit the ground
Walls we couldn't move came crashing down
We were free and made alive
The day that True Love died, The day that True Love died

Now, Jesus is alive

Jesus is alive
Jesus is alive
Jesus is alive
Jesus is alive
Oh, He is alive
He rose again

When blood and water hit the ground
Walls we couldn't move came crashing down
We were free and made alive
The day that True Love died, The day that True Love died

Come close listen to the story..."

[[I love that song...AND I'm very excited that Phil Wickham is coming to Simpson for Genesis Weekend!! WOOT!]]

Anyway, I just wanted to blurt about that. Think about this song when you think about Lent. The world doesn't have anything to offer you in comparison with Jesus Christ. None of this world is worth it. Oh, I just read this somewhere: "It's easier to climb down a hill than it is to climb up. But the view is from the top." That quote spoke such truth into me...I'm always fighting and running away from the hard things, from the awkward, and from the pain. But usually, you have to dig through the pain to find the deep, deep love....and believe me, it's all worth it. :)

Just wanted to let you know...

My dad took that beautiful picture at the top of the blog page.

Just thought I'd brag a little. :)

This is him and me (I don't know the grammatically correct way to say that) a couple years ago in San Diego.

Anyway, I love my daddy. The End.

Lent. Lent. Lent, right, lent...

I've been trying to figure out what to do for lent.

Now, the old me would just say "GAH it started TODAY! I'm too late. I'll just not do it." But the NEW me is going to say "NO. I'm still doing it! So HAH!"

Any ideas??

Jenna was saying that last year, she took prayer on instead of giving something up. I liked that idea. Or maybe I'll give up movies. Or fast food. Sorry...talking out loud...well, typin--anyway, not important.

Let me know if you have any really good ideas...well, I guess that would be kind of hard to do because you'd have to know the inner workings of my life to suggest something that would really be a good thing to give up.

I think I might give up fast food. I eat dinner in the caf like 2 or 3 times a week... A) I can't afford that, and 2) I think the caf inspires community...I love the community here; LOVE it. The way we all rally around each other when others are in need...it's beautiful. :)

Alright. Fast food it is. NO MORE!

Over and out.

Pray for me...

I feel like I came to a place today where I finally FINALLY felt like I was moving forward. I've been talking to Jenna about my life and my spiritual walk and my struggles and I was being transparent (which is the reason I started this blog--to be transparent with my peers and enhance community, sort of :P) and I was loving Jesus and beginning to not be afraid to tell the world...I was loving like God loves...I was being who I've wanted my entire life to be; I was the older college girl in church who seemed to have everything together, who knew what she wanted and wasn't worried about how or when she was going to get it: she was just moving forward and living while she walked with Jesus.

I was there.

Then, as I was picking Cynthia up from a movie and getting cupcake mix from WinCo (I stayed in the car while Hannah went in), I all of a sudden felt as if I were going to faint. I'd only felt like that one other time, and I had just finished giving blood (apparently I'm a "gusher") and it was in a public bathroom at my high school. I made Hannah drive home because I didn't feel like that was safe at all, and then it only got worse.

Pray for me that I feel better. Jenna and I refuse to call it "sickness" because I will not give in!! So we're saying that I'm "uncomfortable" :P. So meanwhile, I'm stocking up on Vitamin C and Acetaminophen. And I've got V-8 Splash in the fridge. Which I can't look at without laughing.

Thanks.

Failure's Clutches...

It's an epidemic. It's sweeping around campus like a bird looking for its prey. It shows no mercy and consumes all who hesitate for a mere moment or have a pinch of doubt.

I'm sick of this. I'm tired of seeing strong, Godly people falter under enormous pressures we can't escape...mounds and mounds of homework piling up on our desks, falling behind in things in which we used to excel, arriving late to important meetings, the heartache of splitting time between our friends and our significant others and work and play, having to deal with many life-and-death situations--all needing every bit of our attention--and being able to do nothing about them falling precariously to the "death" side, the fear of not measuring up and not being good enough, the immense pressure of pleasing people and impressing professors and bosses and friends and acquaintances and superiors and cracking under the pressure...

It's all got to stop.

I've been seeing this hurting behind the eyes of many, especially this week. Very close friends of mine are terrified of being inadequate in the eyes of those they wish to impress...sometimes, this includes God. One friend in particular said to me that she thought that even if God came down right now and said "You are fine. I love you" she would still feel like there is so much more she could be doing! It's a sad truth that plagues all of our lives.

Jenna and I were talking today about all of it and how it's going around and hurting those we care about (and us, too) and she said that she thinks that "Satan is trying to rob people of enjoying life." I knew right when she spoke it that it was true, far truer than any of us are willing to believe or even acknowledge. We've seen it in the faces of the beautiful woman who is crying tears of brokenness or in the man that doesn't know how to move on from the heavy feeling of failure on his shoulders.

I don't know how to fix this or what to do while we watch it all happen, but be aware of the hurt. Don't be afraid to encourage those you love and keep a firm two feet in your foundation of your love of Christ and his love for you.

I love my friends...

Jesus loves me. It blows my mind when I sit and think about how much in fact. He gave me AMAZING friends. I don't even know if I can put into words how much I love them. But I can try.

To my friends:
I love that you love me when I'm in an impossible mood. I love that you care about me enough to check on me when I'm sick or to see if I'm up in time for class. I love that you love me even when I make you watch Hot Rod a million times and I quote Pirates of the Caribbean all the way through. I love that you drop everything and comfort me when I need you. I love you for knocking sense into me when I'm being a ridiculous hormonal girl. I love that you get food with me at insane hours of the night. I love that you hang out with me even though I complain. I love that you put up with my terrible driving even when the car goes into a snow berm. I love that you quote inside jokes with me. I love how you listen to my crazy cross-betweens and laugh when they're right on (which is very often :P). I love that you laugh with me for hours about nothing. I love that you sit up with me for years on youtube watching tons of Andy Samberg videos (So you're a dog, what's that all about??). I love that you let me keep my window open at night even when there's a hurricane outside. I love that you love me with all my faults. I love that you love me enough to drag me inside when I'm standing in the rain with bronchitis (yes, it's happened enough times that I can say that). I love that you grab me a tea when you're in WinCo. I love that you get me into Twilight and let me borrow you're Narnia series. I love how well you know me!!! I love that you can mock me for things that really bother me but play it up enough to make me laugh about it. I love that most people in my life wouldn't understand us at all. I love that we can talk with facial expressions. I love that you encourage me so so so so so much in the way that I am.

And I thank Jesus for you everyday.

I know there are more, but I'm tired :) I love you guys.

Brownies, Cupcakes and Lovin'!

Danae and I are in Morgan's kitchen right now baking and baking and baking!! Lemon cupcakes, chocolate cupcakes, funfetti cupcakes, and brownies! Delicious.
If the blog world didn't realize this, I love me some Danae. :)
We're just talking and having fun and she's making me feel less sick. So as I'm sitting here licking a spatula full of brownie batter, I'm thinking about friends: people we run to in situations of need and hurt expecting comfort and love in return...

I thank God everyday for these. If I didn't have my friends, I really don't know where I would be. I just wanted to thank all of those who have touched my life in some way...you know who you are. I couldn't live without you and I love all of you dearly.

I didn't mean for the blog to go in this direction, but it does what it wants. :)

Alone in my room with the sniffles and apathy in abundance...

I'm siiiiick. :/

I'm tired of being so lazy and tired and apathetic about things going on in my life. For some reason I can't shake the feeling...being bored with life, not growing, not being responsible; it's exhausting.

I want to be the person that people can count on. I want to be the one people can trust and depend on. I'm sick of being the flake, the "oh-it's-Aubrey-who-knows-when-she'll-get-here"...I need to be mature! Why is it so difficult for me to just...strive to be better? I want it with all my heart, but acting on it, putting into my life and keeping the healthy habits there...I hate being afraid that I'll be the one mom who forgets to pick up her kids at soccer practice or is late to their game, or accidentally blows off a friend in need, or any circumstances that have that sort of taint to it. I don't want that for my life.

By the way, I'm also tired of closing off who I really am and what I really struggle with. It's exhausting to pretend that everything is okay, so this blogging thing is going to be transparent. I believe that transparency is really important for the Christian community because we need to encourage others...

Anyway, I'm just waiting for my Geography class to start so I can take the quiz and go to the doctor. Thanks for letting me ramble.

Boys like girls...or do they?

I don't know what to think anymore.

The world is full of so many thick, heavy, ominous lies that I can barely see my true reflection through it all. I shouldn't be seeing a self-conscious, scared little girl that doesn't know if a man will ever want to unconditionally love her for as long as we both shall live; I should be seeing me...the true me with the light and the passion of Jesus shining through me...but it's tough for a woman to live in this present day, in the here and the now...

Sure, sure, we (as women) have considerably moved forward in the past 100 years; we can vote and bring home our own bacon and we don't have to get married if we don't want to, but there is so much deceit in this world...or at least in our post-modern America.

I'm tired of the tabloids that say "if you're not a size one, you're a cow" and "look at how terrible this person looks without their make-up" and "point and laugh at her because she HAS values"...we now have to be blonde and drop-dead gorgeous and rich and "well-endowed" and rail-thin to get a second glance...or at least that's what the world tells us. Which I'm sick of. They're lies!!

I heard in a sermon last Sunday that was based on Colossians 3:18-19, which states "Wives, submit to your husbands, as it is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, and do not be bitter against them." Bill Giovanetti was talking to the men about loving their wives unconditionally and telling them to reach out and love their wives even when they don't love them at that moment. For some reason, this really scared me. I felt like no man could ever love me for who I am. It's really hard for me to realize that God, ultimate perfection, could love me, and it's even harder for me to comprehend an imperfect man loving me for me. I mean, I realize that we are all human, and we can't POSSIBLY love unconditionally without having our own lives saturated with the love of Jesus Christ, but we all fail!

And then I went and saw the movie "He's Just Not That Into You" tonight. Bad choice. Some parts were funny and harmless and I caught myself saying "oh, that's so true!" but it just unsettled my heart. I saw brokenness and hurting and people searching for something that they are never going to find in another human. It's painful to see that kind of yearning day after day. Unfortunately, I found myself in the same confusion: "Why would a man choose me above her? She can do this and this and that..."etc. ...it's just hard.

A married man in the movie had an affair. It was heartbreaking to see the wife go through that kind of intense pain! And it horrified me to think that that could one day happen to me or to you or even someone you know. It happens and it's sad.

WHY. Do guys even like women? Do they see them as a possession? an accessory? a trophy? How about a companion? a lover? a friend? someone who can help them grow spiritually everyday in Jesus...that is how it was intended. We weren't supposed to live our lives comparing ourselves to other women who are more beautiful or more musically gifted or more athletic than we are. God made us who we are, and I need to learn to be fine with that.

OH and another thing! Girls are mean!! We toy with emotions, flirt with married men, batt our eyelashes, feign innocence, stab each other in the back for personal gain, make our brothers stumble...I'm sick of the reputation. I am more frustrated with women than I am with men. We need to be careful... I want to be a Proverbs 31 woman one day if it is in the Lord's plan to make me a wife. I want to love with my whole heart and not live in fear of rejection or belittlement or failure.

Until then...I will strive to trust. To love and to have faith that wherever the Lord carries me, I will be okay.

Sorry I'm so scatterbrained. Gimme a break; it's my first blog. :)